i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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