im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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