Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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