I cannot find my penis.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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