God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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