i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
