I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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