Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
