yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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