clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
