I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
