Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
