sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
