she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
