At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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