I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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