lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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