this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
