Screwed.edu
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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