Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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