My cat gives me a boner
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
