so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
