i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
