you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
