got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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