Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
3 2 1 whiskey
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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