You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
