So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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