You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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