I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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