Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
