The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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