honey bunches of taint.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
