I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You did what with his pubic hair?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
