I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
