How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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