If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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