DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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