I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
