Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
