I forgot how hot balto sounded
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
