my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
