dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
