I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
