Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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