Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
