I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
