he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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