My room smells like vodka and shame
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
