She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
