grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
