She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
