Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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