Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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