you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
