There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you didnt know i had herpes?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
