i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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