I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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