Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
