you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
