I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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