where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
