just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
