Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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