Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Soap is not a condiment
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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