Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I die, sorry about rent.
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