That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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