Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
